displaced
startled, i woke up suddenly this morning to find myself displaced and confused in a room that i couldn't recognize until a while later. i knew for sure i wasn't in france, yet it wasn't the same warm bed that i had slept in for a few days either.
i guess after so many days of traveling, it's somewhat acceptable to be waking up in a place that you've stayed for almost 3 years and still feel lost.
i've always had a careful choice of words when referring to the place(s) that i'm staying. eventho i'm back in taiwan and have been living here for almost 3 years, i rarely, if ever, use the word home. instead, i'd say i'll "go back", or referring the location by the owner (AKA "my sis' place", "my parents' place") or by city (such as "tapei", "tamsui").
the reason for me not calling them home is simple, coz it's not my home.
i would call a place home where and when i feel completely comfortable, carefree, relaxed.
my home will house all my necessary belongings (and other extra wanted but not really needed goodies).
there is no specific standard for my home--it can be small but i won't feel crowded, it can hear a lot of voices but never too noisy, it may have little or no company yet i won't feel lonely.
don't get me wrong, it's not that i can't find any of these traits in my parents' or my sis' place. but after all, it's their house, their home. they built it.
i guess i'll start calling a place home when i build one for myself.
until then, i'll continue wandering from place to place while trying to find a place where i can call home.
i guess after so many days of traveling, it's somewhat acceptable to be waking up in a place that you've stayed for almost 3 years and still feel lost.
i've always had a careful choice of words when referring to the place(s) that i'm staying. eventho i'm back in taiwan and have been living here for almost 3 years, i rarely, if ever, use the word home. instead, i'd say i'll "go back", or referring the location by the owner (AKA "my sis' place", "my parents' place") or by city (such as "tapei", "tamsui").
the reason for me not calling them home is simple, coz it's not my home.
i would call a place home where and when i feel completely comfortable, carefree, relaxed.
my home will house all my necessary belongings (and other extra wanted but not really needed goodies).
there is no specific standard for my home--it can be small but i won't feel crowded, it can hear a lot of voices but never too noisy, it may have little or no company yet i won't feel lonely.
don't get me wrong, it's not that i can't find any of these traits in my parents' or my sis' place. but after all, it's their house, their home. they built it.
i guess i'll start calling a place home when i build one for myself.
until then, i'll continue wandering from place to place while trying to find a place where i can call home.
posted by nongi at 12:29 AM
2 Comments:
i know what that feels like :S
in due time you'll have your own place, your home. it will happen. enjoy not paying rent until then :P
<3
nat
it is quite surprising that u still feel displaced after 3 years...is it really because of not oweing your own house?
maybe u spent most of your time outside of taiwan, so u don't feel like being home. but, i do agree that how comfortable u can feel can be a baromator of "home".
we already had a "home" in seattle, so it is hard to find a better home, ha:) i am sure u will find soon. cheer up, inong!
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