deep breathe in~~~
exhale...

deep breathe in again~~~
and exhale......
... and sigh...

to my discontent, my nose realized the subtle changes in the smell of the air
a very fine difference that tells the weather is changing, that my favorite winter has little time left, and that spring - my disliked season - is just around the corner.

while a lot of people gladly welcome spring because it represents as the beginning of a new cycle and brings new injection of liveliness in nature (by all means, they have all the rights to do so), i've got my own reasons to wish to skip spring and hit straight to the end of summer and start fall and winter again:

- reactivity of the animal kingdom, especially with the mosquitoes class. no need to explain further, i loathe mosquitoes, their buzzing is annoying and they can spread fatal disease to my dogs. they should all die. period.
- excessive pollination. i'm in a city with enough dust and smog, now if you add pollen onto it... it's not pleasant to be sneezing that often
- unstable weather. spring temperatures changes so fast that you can be sleeping with heater, go out next day in short sleeves and hide from torrential rain in thick jacket later that evening. what's with this instability? no wonder people get sick...

but the biggest reason i dislike spring, apart from its moodiness, is because it makes ME moody. yes, i think spring gives me seasonal depression. for years, i realized that i get easily emotional and/or depressed around this time, and i think a lot of this has to do with spring being symbolized as the beginning of the year, when people commit to their new year resolution (and fail it on the 2nd day of the year), when new goal is set, when a sense of direction is established.

so that's my problem now: i don't have a NY resolution, i can't see nor find my goal, and i'm standing amidst thick fog; many random/scary/impossible thoughts run through my head, i feel powerless and overwhelmed by an unknown pressure. i've been searching ways to alleviate it yet no luck so far, but sitting back waiting for spring blues to fade is not the best idea either...

... what to do? what to do?
hey! i can make this my resolution for this year, to find a goal and conquer the milestones in between

or i can be ordinary and just say, "i will loose weight and keep a strict diet"

or whatever