blessed

i've always felt that i'm a super blessed grl. lucky to a certain extent (mmm... but i'm not quite sure bout the word lucky since i do have a quite powerful shitty luck as well...).
here are the reasons why i consider myself (shitty) lucky: i have a wonderful family whose members don't suffer from all the daily soap opera's drama, i'm so thankful that i have great friends in us, tw and arg who are always there for me. and i feel very lucky coz even though my family is not rich, they can still provide me with enough financial support to pay for this high maintenance brat, in such an expensive university in the beautiful city of seattle.
...what else? oh oh! i'm also thankful for this last winter cali trip that my parents paid for, the trip turned out to be quite expensive, hahaha, almost 1k from what i heard? well, i dun really want to do the math, and i dun think that i'll tell my papis the total cost of it either... yes... let's just keep it shut... shh~~~

and i guess that i'm damn lucky coz i somehow can get away w/things that i want. (yes, with my stubbornness and my whinin, but hey, the end justifies the means, rite?) i can give quite a lot of examples of this: i managed to have my parents take me to a dance when i was only in 4th grade (oh yeah... there were a LOT of tears and stomps at that time), i got accepted to the only high school that i applied, i got accepted into the only university that i applied, and i got accepted into the only major that i had in mind.
well, now that i've listed all these things, i guess havin a shitty luck is not that bad after all.

ok, back to the point. i'm writin this due to a special request. yes, a good friend's request. but so far, i still dun feel like jumpin into the core topic of this bla-bla session, just to annoy him. hehehe~~~ i luv u, u know i do~~~ ^^y

this last x'mas, i got the biggest present ever. i think it's literally the biggest x'mas gift that i've gotten so far.
now i got a new thing to be added to my to-be-thankful list, and is my new relationship w/someone that i thought i'd never be with. i wonder if it was my stubbornness that helped me this time... maybe i dunno...
i haven't liked a guy like this for a long looong while. i barely remember the last time that i liked someone. hot crushes i had tons, but none of them were serious. i like to see Q guys, eye candy, my eyes like to see pretty things~ hehehe (it's my right!)
the feeling that i have towards him was quite new in a way, since i've almost forgotten how does it feel when u like someone; feeling all the butterflies in ur stomach, and smilin like a dumbass with the mere thought of the person.
mmm... i guess now it's confession time, rite? how did it all started?
well, i can say that i've liked him for a while, a looooong while as well. met him through a good friend, then somehow we all started to hang out, and then somehow i found him quite Q. i think it began as a crush too, he's not bad lookin. hehe (ok, i'm startin to sound superficial). but when the hot crush feelin sunk deeper and deeper, i knew i was in trouble. and before i realized, i liked him, and a lot.
i would have said somethin earlier but gosh, there were so many bad signs that were alarmin me for a "just shut the F up!". and he didn't seem to be interested either, so yeah, do nothin was the best idea. actually, i think the best idea for that time was to forget about him and move on. and oh man, i had so many friends who agreed w/that idea.
but for some reason, i just could not stop likin him, despite the differences, despite all the bad signs. drew kept on tellin me that he does not like me coz of my giant karma for rejectin so many guys before. i agree w/that too... ~___~lll
yet as i said before, i'm stubborn and i will insist until there's no chance at all.

so i continued likin him, even though i knew he would not like me back. we all still hang out as friends, i liked his company as a friend, he's a really nice buddy. i was satisfied w/being one of his buddies.
then how did we end up together after this? i still got no idea... our old asnwer, it just happened. and i'm happy that 'it just happened'. i guess luv does come at the least expected times, huh?
maybe it was the trip, we were all very happy; maybe it was alan's magic bottle (it told me 'why not?' when i asked whether i was goin to get a bf by the end of last yr or not); or maybe, it was one (or more than one) of the pennies that i threw at the fountains durin the trip.
i guess none of that really matters now coz my dream really came true and i'm damn happy. ^^
oh~ it made me extra happy coz it broke my record of 5 days!!!!!!! oh yeah baby~~~

but there are still some problems... he is basically my frist bf, and i really like him a lot. after all those yrs wondering about relationships, those worries have now surfaced again. how to keep a healthy relationship? what things can make him happy? what not? how can i become a better gf? am i doing the right things? does he know how i trully feel? is he sure that he wants all this? is he sure that he wants to be w/a grl who's gettin all paranoid rite now??? @____@
yes i know that i should just follow my instincts, and do what feels right. and if not, talk to him. communication is the best tool.
easy to say, but hard to do sometimes. it's not that i won't talk to him, but i still feel a bit insecure. perhaps i want it to be PERFECT, but there's no such thing. we'll see... see what happens
ay... contradictory life...
ay... really... poor him that he has to deal w/me now... (too late to look back~ wahahaha~)