and so it is...
lately, i feel that a lot of things happened. they may not be big news per say, but when you add them all up, it can get quite overwhealming. i realized that it has been a while since my last update on blogger, and now, i dunno where to start... hehehe... (knew that this online diary is not a good idea either! >__<) so yeah, finished another quarter. what did i do in winter quarter? hmm.... it was quite smooth for me actually, periodic readings, hw that i would never do, and yup, ended last quarter quite ok. was stressing out in the last few days of class though... damn turkey paper. but thankfully it went ok, a bit bellow the average, but hey, i dun care bout grades that much
and then... one sad thing is that drew moved out from the house. it still feels a bit weird not havin drew around, after all, we've lived together for 2 years, and we had sooo much fun together. it was really funny how we moved in together in summer but didn't realize that both of us were in the same program until classes started, and how we lived together for 2 years, been in the same program for 2 years, have quite a few mutual friends in the program, but none of them knew that we were roommates. hehehe. well, i guess if they dun ask, we dun tell =P
but yeah, drew is a great friend/roommate, he mite seem a bit intimidatin at first, w/his serious face, low, almost mumbling voice. sometimes i can't understand him still. he's voice is too low pitched!!! but an amazin guy tho; sarcastic, morbid, negative, i love it. those are the reasons why i let him be my life consultant. he was great helpin me find parkin space in montlake, laughin at aya's and my misfortunes, and givin me tips towards life that, um... i barely follow. i feel very bad that our house couldn't really have a fairwell party for him, before he left for spokane. pple were bz around the house, and some had other places to go to. at least i was able to hang out w/him on his last day in seattle, eventho the ice cream we had looked like poop, eventho the movie we watched sucked like hell... but i like spending time w/him. it was so sad that my house didn't have a house picture during these whole 2 years!!!! what kinda roommates are we???!!! but oh well, the pix that we took were quite nice.
so now drew went to jp for exchange, there's only 4 of us left in the house. but all kinda gettin ready to move out from this place already. aya and i will be graduatin in june, yet aya has already set her plans for the rest of the year. i'm lookin apartments w/yui now but where we'll end up is still unknown. it really is the "time" huh?... time when we all should say good-bye to each other and move on, time when i should really figure out what to do with my life.
today, i heard a lot of my peers got a job pendin during my track meeting. i felt so jealous. i'm happy for them that they got a job waitin for them, but i was jealous. i'm 80% sure that i'm still jobless coz i haven't put all my efforts in job huntin. but how can i put 100% effort when i dunno what i want to do? yup, BIG question... what do i want to do??? as jj and i were talkin the other day, life seems to be pre-arranged all the way thru college, but after college, there's no more "visible plan" to follow, thus, it is soooo easy to feel lost, and i do feel hella lost right now.
sometimes i really want to just pack all my stuff, fly back home and look for a job there, instead of facin all the F-1 student job huntin limitation in US. am i givin up too soon?? maybe... but do i care? not really... posta... odio sentirme super perdida. me RE deprime. q alguien me de un trabajo!!!
creo q podria volver a tw si realmente quisiera. estem... al menos antes lo podia hacer si quisiera, pero ahora... ya no se q hacer. x un lado tengo ganas de dejar todo y volver, pero x otro lado todavia no le hable bien como serian las cosas entre nosotros 2 si me voy del pais. querra una relacion a larga distancia? quiero YO una relacion a larga distancia? hasta q limite puedo aguantar una separacion asi? y si nos separamos, como nos vamos a mantener contacto? perderia lo poco contacto q tenemos ahora? sere fiel? tengo miles de preguntas en mi cabeza, pero no puedo tener una respuesta clara. creo q deberia tener un poco de respuesta en mente antes de preguntarle su opinion, pero si no puedo pensar en nada, significaria eso q nunca vamos a discutir sobre el tema?
y despues... el se entero q tengo novio. se q suena mal, pero un lado mio nunca quiso decirle q estoy con alguien ahora, quiero tratar como si las cosas estan como antes. quizas inconcientemente todavia le estoy tratando de dar una oportunidad, todavia estoy imaginando totos los 'q pasaria si...', 'podriamos algun dia...'
siento q le debo un monton. despues de todo, el siempre me trato re bien, estuvo ahi ofreciendome su ayuda cuando lo necesitaba y aun cuando no. quizas el realmente es una de las pocas personas q me entiende bien y sabe lo q quiero cuando quiero. ese aspecto de el siempre me atrajo, me hace sentir muy especial. cuando no me pude encontrar con el el verano paso, me senti tan frustrada... es q siempre nos estamos perdiendo/buscando/esperando uno al otro, y pense q ese verano (al menos yo) podia poner un punto a la persecucion. ya no sabia a quien tirar la culpa cuando ese no fue el caso, creo q pereseguir uno al otro sera el destino entre nosotros 2. entonces me canse, entonces me di por vencida, y entonces segui de largo
al decir la verdad, nunca supe bien q es lo q siente hacia mi, nunca dijo nada, solo se q nos apreciamos mucho. lo quiero un monton, pero lastima q no lo puedo querer como lo hubiera querido
yup, as one of mark's fav songs go: " and so it is..." (from 'closer'), i guess so it is my life: lost lost lost, very unknown
and then... one sad thing is that drew moved out from the house. it still feels a bit weird not havin drew around, after all, we've lived together for 2 years, and we had sooo much fun together. it was really funny how we moved in together in summer but didn't realize that both of us were in the same program until classes started, and how we lived together for 2 years, been in the same program for 2 years, have quite a few mutual friends in the program, but none of them knew that we were roommates. hehehe. well, i guess if they dun ask, we dun tell =P
but yeah, drew is a great friend/roommate, he mite seem a bit intimidatin at first, w/his serious face, low, almost mumbling voice. sometimes i can't understand him still. he's voice is too low pitched!!! but an amazin guy tho; sarcastic, morbid, negative, i love it. those are the reasons why i let him be my life consultant. he was great helpin me find parkin space in montlake, laughin at aya's and my misfortunes, and givin me tips towards life that, um... i barely follow. i feel very bad that our house couldn't really have a fairwell party for him, before he left for spokane. pple were bz around the house, and some had other places to go to. at least i was able to hang out w/him on his last day in seattle, eventho the ice cream we had looked like poop, eventho the movie we watched sucked like hell... but i like spending time w/him. it was so sad that my house didn't have a house picture during these whole 2 years!!!! what kinda roommates are we???!!! but oh well, the pix that we took were quite nice.
so now drew went to jp for exchange, there's only 4 of us left in the house. but all kinda gettin ready to move out from this place already. aya and i will be graduatin in june, yet aya has already set her plans for the rest of the year. i'm lookin apartments w/yui now but where we'll end up is still unknown. it really is the "time" huh?... time when we all should say good-bye to each other and move on, time when i should really figure out what to do with my life.
today, i heard a lot of my peers got a job pendin during my track meeting. i felt so jealous. i'm happy for them that they got a job waitin for them, but i was jealous. i'm 80% sure that i'm still jobless coz i haven't put all my efforts in job huntin. but how can i put 100% effort when i dunno what i want to do? yup, BIG question... what do i want to do??? as jj and i were talkin the other day, life seems to be pre-arranged all the way thru college, but after college, there's no more "visible plan" to follow, thus, it is soooo easy to feel lost, and i do feel hella lost right now.
sometimes i really want to just pack all my stuff, fly back home and look for a job there, instead of facin all the F-1 student job huntin limitation in US. am i givin up too soon?? maybe... but do i care? not really... posta... odio sentirme super perdida. me RE deprime. q alguien me de un trabajo!!!
creo q podria volver a tw si realmente quisiera. estem... al menos antes lo podia hacer si quisiera, pero ahora... ya no se q hacer. x un lado tengo ganas de dejar todo y volver, pero x otro lado todavia no le hable bien como serian las cosas entre nosotros 2 si me voy del pais. querra una relacion a larga distancia? quiero YO una relacion a larga distancia? hasta q limite puedo aguantar una separacion asi? y si nos separamos, como nos vamos a mantener contacto? perderia lo poco contacto q tenemos ahora? sere fiel? tengo miles de preguntas en mi cabeza, pero no puedo tener una respuesta clara. creo q deberia tener un poco de respuesta en mente antes de preguntarle su opinion, pero si no puedo pensar en nada, significaria eso q nunca vamos a discutir sobre el tema?
y despues... el se entero q tengo novio. se q suena mal, pero un lado mio nunca quiso decirle q estoy con alguien ahora, quiero tratar como si las cosas estan como antes. quizas inconcientemente todavia le estoy tratando de dar una oportunidad, todavia estoy imaginando totos los 'q pasaria si...', 'podriamos algun dia...'
siento q le debo un monton. despues de todo, el siempre me trato re bien, estuvo ahi ofreciendome su ayuda cuando lo necesitaba y aun cuando no. quizas el realmente es una de las pocas personas q me entiende bien y sabe lo q quiero cuando quiero. ese aspecto de el siempre me atrajo, me hace sentir muy especial. cuando no me pude encontrar con el el verano paso, me senti tan frustrada... es q siempre nos estamos perdiendo/buscando/esperando uno al otro, y pense q ese verano (al menos yo) podia poner un punto a la persecucion. ya no sabia a quien tirar la culpa cuando ese no fue el caso, creo q pereseguir uno al otro sera el destino entre nosotros 2. entonces me canse, entonces me di por vencida, y entonces segui de largo
al decir la verdad, nunca supe bien q es lo q siente hacia mi, nunca dijo nada, solo se q nos apreciamos mucho. lo quiero un monton, pero lastima q no lo puedo querer como lo hubiera querido
yup, as one of mark's fav songs go: " and so it is..." (from 'closer'), i guess so it is my life: lost lost lost, very unknown
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posted by nongi at 2:01 PM
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